If you read JSaka’s blog recap of his birthday weekend, you’ll know that we all went to a gorgeous wedding on Saturday. Prior to that, I watched the very anticipated debut of The Sex and the City Movie. As we all know, Carrie Bradshaw FINALLY gets married to Mr. Big. Since these past weeks, I’ve noticed an increase of girls buzzing about their dream weddings and wondering when their turn will come. All of this buzz made me remember a book I read a couple years ago entitled, “Why Men Marry Bitches”. This New York Times Best Seller is about how to turn a casual relationship into a committed one.

Argov has also written “Why Men Date Bitches” for the single ladies, but I find the main points to be very similar. Granted, the title is gimmicky but I think Sherry Argov makes some very valid points. In this post, I’d like to share some of the key takeaways I got from Argov’s book. If you’ve found yourself in a new relationship, wondering if he wants (or if he is going to ) commit, this post is for you. I’d also like to point out that Argov uses the term “bitch” as a counter-hegemonic term. To her, a bitch is a “strong, spirited woman who can stand up for herself. She doesn’t compromise herself and she doesn’t work ‘overtime’ to catch a husband”. Unfortunately, many ‘nice’ women mistakenly believe that being a “bitch” is a bad thing, when its not.

A lot of times, women get stuck in casual relationships with no future. Our society has embedded the notions of submissive women, deep into our subconscious. A woman is often advised to sacrifice herself, her pride, and her dignity for a man. The truth of the matter is men respect a “strong wit and a strong mind”. There is nothing more attractive to a man than a woman who has confidence, dignity and pride in who she is. Don’t be clingy, don’t give up your free time just to be with him- have a life of your own, have some fun and be independent. Men like what they cannot predict and control. Believe me, it keeps them wondering and that is a good thing. Keep your independence. Keep your friends. Keep your job. Keep your apartment. Keep your own credit cards and your bank account.

Secondly, don’t bring up the c-word (commitment), or the m-word (marriage), it scares the jeebus out of them. The sooner you don’t, the sooner he will. Why? Because he expects you to. If you don’t, he’ll have to know why and he’ll bring it up. Let it come up naturally. Don’t force it. What do you care anyway? You’re too busy being independent and pursuing your career right? Aside from this, a man who believes you are “the one”, won’t say much about it. He’s likely to be much more reserved about it as to not scare YOU away. Oppositely, if he sees you are in a hurry, he sees you as desperately wanting to fill an insecure void in your life.

Third, your financial independence makes you desirable as a wife. Men tend to wonder what you bring to the relationship table, so to speak (other than sex). Men are drawn to women who see themselves as successful/winners. A man would rather be with a woman whose goal is to get her MBA and run her own business than a woman whose goal is to be married in a year. A man shouldn’t have to pay for your coffee, clothes, gorgeous Loubou shoes or Chanel 2.55 purse- if you want that, (and only if its in your budget) you should get it yourself. This shows him you can take care of yourself and you don’t need him OR his money. In my experience, men are drawn to that.

There are lots of other good points, reminders and reality checks in Argov’s book, but I don’t want to give it all up here. So, if you were one of those girls who were pushing and shoving during the bouquet toss this past weekend, eagerly anticipating your future-wedding, I suggest you pick up “Why Men Marry Bitches”. This is not to say that every relationship will end in a marriage or that these tips will guarantee you a beautiful marriage. Go with your gut feelings ladies, if you know its not meant to be, why waste your time? Take your hot little ass somewhere else, hold your head high, smile your brightest smile, embrace your inner “bitch” and the men will flock to you. Promise.

In the mean time, cheers to bitches everywhere: to our independence, self sufficiency and big bank account.

**********

Violet is guest blogger for GOProductionsLA. She blogs about her female perspective on men, women, dating and relationships and other aspects of life. She’s a twenty something, Asian American chick livin’ up the party life in Los Angeles. Find her at Cabana club on Fridays, Social on Thursdays and the newest restaurants and bars every other day of the week. If you’d like a fresh perspective, have a topic you’d like to see discussed or just want to say hello, email Violet : violet25x [at] gmail [dot] com.