If your only reason for going to a club is to enjoy the music then you have problems. Let’s face it, most clubs play the same Top 40’s music they play on the radio, though sometimes throwing in various remixes of these songs. How many more times do you need to listen to Britney Spears, Lady Ga Ga, Ne-Yo, Akon, etc…? The worst part is you are paying cover charge for this “honor.” If you really like this kind of music here’s a better alternative: next Friday night around 11PM, put some gel in your hair (spike it up nice and sexy), put on your best button down “clubbing” shirt, go out to your car, turn the car on (but leave it park), tune your radio to 102.7 KIIS FM, and then bump the tunes.

So T-Pain sings about hooking up with the hot bartender, but unless you are T-Pain, super good looking, or filthy rich, your chances of succeeding are very slim. Scoring with the hot bartender is like winning the lottery–everyone wants to win, but very few do. Think about it this way at most clubs there are more guys than girls. Most guys will buy a drink from the hot bartender. Therefore just by virtue of being the bartender she’ll be talking to practically every guy in the club. Those odds aren’t good my friend. There’s nothing wrong with going to a club to hit on the bartender, but you better be hitting on every other girl as well. It’s a numbers game.

Taking a girl on a first date to a club is a bad idea on so many levels. Now I’m talking about if a guy has dinner with his date and then heads to a club. I’m talking about a guy who calls up a girl he just met and says “Hey Jennifer, this is Rick, I wanted to see if this Friday you wanted to be my date to Club Ritual. Ok? Great, pick you up at 11.” As a first date you should maybe try to get to know the girl like by talking to her (especially if you want to get in her pants…but that’s a topic for another time) and unfortunately at a club it is way too loud and a bunch of guys will be hitting on your girl. Unless you don’t like a girl and you want her to leave you alone would I recommend taking a girl to a club.

On the surface this doesn’t sound too bad, but you shouldn’t go clubbing to catch up with your guy friends. There’s nothing wrong with going to a club to see an old friend you haven’t seen a while if that’s the only place your friend hangs out at. However, just like going to a club to enjoy the music is a bad idea there are better places to get drunk and catch up with your guy friends (poker night, at a bar, etc…). In addition if your guy friends are single, most likely they’ll be there to meet girls so most likely you’d just be getting in their way anyway. Do them a favor and stay at home and watch Grey’s Anatomy.

This is by far the worst reason to go clubbing. Just to clarify, this does not mean going to a club to dance with girls, this means going to a club just so you can get your groove on by yourself or your guy friends. Picture this scene, I’m sitting at home on a Saturday night and my friend Ed calls me up.

Ed: Yo Ben, what you doing?

Me: Nothing, just pumping some iron.

Ed: Hey, I heard Go Productions is throwing a party at Ritual tonight. I’ve had a stressful week and I really need to unwind. I just need to dance!

Me: Sweet! I wouldn’t mind finding some hotties to get my groove on with…

Ed: No no no dude…no girls tonight, I JUST WANT TO DANCE!

Me: Uh…..

So fans of Dane Cook will know that I ripped this dancing bit off him, but he was so on the money. Don’t go to a club just to dance. Girls do that…not guys. That is of course if you are going as part of a hip hop crew to go “serve” some disprespecting punks who called you out. Otherwise, just go, but don’t tell anyone you are there really to dance.