BoA Capture Thwarted!
Last Saturday BoA appeared at Ritual. It was a spectacular event that reached full capacity, which ended up with my face pinned against the glass as crowds of adoring fans pushed closer to take pictures. Being a devoted BoA fan myself, I naturally hatched a master plan to “acquire” her in my Borat wedding sack so that I may have the opportunity to recite some sonnets that I had composed for her earlier in the day. However my ingenious plan was thwarted by my evil arch-enemy, “The Scottiness” who being the good promoter he is, was concerned about getting BoA out of Ritual safely and without incident.
Here is how it was supposed to go down (see diagram numbers for details).
1. Using my stealth ninja skills, I sneak into the BoA signing area past the bouncer.
2. I ninja chop some poor unfortunate promoter and steal their badge. Donning the badge of the downed promoter I make my way towards the table.
3. Talk to BoA for a few seconds while feigning interest… then bag her with my wedding sack!
4. Dash towards the patio area and jump through the glass.
5. Fight off hoards of BoA fans (Matrix-style of course).
6. Stop to sign autograph for GoProAngela (it’s okay, you don’t have to take off your shirt)
7. Catch ladder to my awaiting NinjaCopter(tm) and escape.
As you can see, this was quite a solid plan. The only problem I saw was fighting through the throng of fans that would soon riot after realizing I was making off with their beloved idol. But I once decimated Chuck Norris using only my pinkie toe, so I figured fighting my way out would be a walk in the park. True story!
LMAO. How could a solid plan like that go wrong?
seriously…? SERIOUSLY? dude, this is wackest post i’ve ever read. man, this blog is going downhill. this plan would have never worked. first off, chuck norris? he’s the man. if you have that much power in just your pinkie toe, i don’t see how BoA would not have fallen in love with you at first site. she’d swoon. that means you’d have to revise your whole plan from step 3 on. fist, i wouldn’t be a ninja. ninjas are played out. i would go incognegro as either one of the mega fob in attendance or better yet as ScottieRock. To be Scottie is a cinch. Just dress fashionably with something from triumvir, wear a scarf to cover the bottom of you face, sunglasses to mask the top, and point a lot. don’t forget the pointing. usually pointing at Justin works best. if someone tries to talk to you, probably someone trying to get comped, act too busy and point at justin to unload the responsibility. i know this works because i did Scottie a favor once and entertained his date through a whole dinner while he was taking care of some gopro business just by pointing.
ok, back to step 4. as ScottieRock, you now have access to BoA. once you get close to her, tear off your disguise like the stripper at my bachelor party and reveal your true self. after her eyes adjust to the shocking brightness of your halo, she will swoon and then tell her bodyguards to make a path to your Ninjacopter(tm). just prepare yourself for the ravaging you will receive because she won’t be able to keep her dainty little hands off of you.
P.S. …can i get a ride in your NinjaCopter(tm)
The NinjaCopter(tm) is the most exclusive of rides. Unless you are a ravishing beauty (female), you must first prove yourself worthy to ride in the NinjaCopter(tm) by accomplishing one of my legendary feats:
I once ran around the world so fast I hit myself in the back of the head – true story.
Better get started.
I bet it would have been an interesting sight to see if you really tried to carry out your plan. Too bad about the sea of common-folk that got in your way. She probably regrets not having spent the rest of her life serving such a glorious being…NOT! HAHAHA!!!
why do i sound/look like i idolize u alex.
that idea of being scottie ROCK would have failed because the REAL scottie ROCK would have a bottle of goose in his hands…and make BoA down a shot…and she would be all faded and stuff…and scottie ROCK would put the Go Pro badge on her and shamelessly plug the company and the site…and get kase to film it while acting surprised and shocked….
…fine, then I’ll just be satisfied with being Scott Chen. haha
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