After running around town last weekend helping my sister find pebbles, red ribbon and mirrors to properly feng shui her office according to a $300/hr consult,  I decided some research on this new age bullshit ancient practice was in order.

Somehow, it seemed wrong to be taking advice on tradionational Chinese disciplines from a white lady in Palm Beach, FL on a Youtube video.

Thus far, I have learned that to optimize the energy (chi) flow throughout the home, a bagua (or 8 Regions) map is needed to identify each power center in relation to different aspects of every day life:

Sounds easy enough. I can totally be a high level feng shui master.

Step 1: Drafted a (crude) diagram of my main floor.  Turns out, each floor needs to be individually mapped out. What a huge pain the ass.

And by LIKE, I mean LIFE.  Too lazy to revise. Obviously, my “Life Mission” sector needs some sprucing up.

Step 2: Align bagua blueprint to home floorplan. A little spray paint here, a little there….

Look at that: My prosperity center is in the crapper! Wow, maybe this stuff really is true.