With the generosity of local businesses and sponsors, Yelpers are occasionally treated to fabulously themed parties produced out of love (or obligation, same thing right?) by our doting community manager. Ordinarily shrouded in mystery to the general community, these social affairs are a small luxury complete with hosted cocktails, swag bags and gourmet tasting menus. It’s kind of like a glorified happy hour with the drinks, hor d’œuvres and good company but for one tiny difference: everything is free.

In an unusual turn of events (and courtesy of LA’s new CM Katie B), featured next on the calendar is “Yelp Gets Elemental” to celebrate the environment, the elements and above all, sustainability. Hosted at downtown LA’s J Lounge, this event takes unprecedented form as festivities will be open to the public! All it takes is an existing Yelp profile as passport to a fun-filled night of entertainment.

For full event details (the food and drink list looks pretty nuts!), follow the link and don’t forget to RSVP!

Jason Yang did some things to a violin I never knew you could do. That ish was mind blowing. Good God… I was amazed.

Another competitor I really liked watching was Bhangra Empire. Hoooly sh!t….that was crazy. They mixed hip hop, rap and traditional songs into the baddest mix I’ve ever heard. Dude, they were high kicking to Tupac’s “California Love”. FTW!!!! Holy crap, I got tired watching them dance but it looked like a lot of fun. I loved the women’s costumes. Very pretty and colorful. I’m a glitter whore.

ANBU Black Ops killed it with their performance. I nearly peed my pants when I heard the theme song for Mortal Kombat. Call me retarded but I still love that song. FIGHT!!! Don’t get me wrong. I love to hear people sing (hence my obsession with karaoke and screeching in my car / shower) but what I really love is watching people dance. So. F*cking. Hawt. This is probably why one of my favorite movies to watch is Take The Lead.

But my favorite? Sam Hart’s “Mario Kart Love Song”. It. Is. The. Sweetest. Song. E-V-A-R!!! And he lets his geek flag fly high!!! * wipes tear * So in love….now to find a way to wheedle Clyde to sing this to me. Haa haa haa!!!

So this year is Paul’s last year. I’m kind of sad because I don’t know what Kollaboration is going to be like without seeing him on stage telling funny jokes or seeing the most random YouTube clips of him promoting the event.

All I know is whoever comes on board next has some pretty big shoes to fill.

(YUM. It’s such a shame I’ve been deprived of this basic pleasure since I now live so dang far from everything! This may be incentive enough to seek new residence.)

My cousin recently asked me for a restaurant recommendation — the one place in Los Angeles that I consider without a doubt to be the best. This challenge was a lot harder than I thought and in the end, I could only settle on a Top 5:

1.) Kagaya

418 E 2nd St
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 617-1016

If I was forced to name a winner, this one would probably take the cake. With Kagaya, it’s more about the collective of exquisitely prepared dishes rather than the isolated shabu itself. It’s the ultimate culinary experience with a complete, six course menu that starts with two delicately crafted appetizers and a soup du jour. Next comes the shabu meat (choice of prime beef, wagyu, even a super Premium wagyu) for the event highlight. Either an udon or rice porridge is whipped up with the residual broth, and the meal is capped with a sinfully delicious sweet treat. It’s heaven in a rundown shopping plaza.

Tip: If you’re dying for Wagyu, save your dollars for a thick slab at Mako instead. The basic beef menu option here is impressive enough, Wagyu is overkill. And I love fatty beef as much as the next girl, but Wagyu shabu is a shame since you lose the best parts.

2.)Shin-sen-gumi – Torrance

1695 W Artesia Blvd
Gardena, CA 90247
(310) 532-0728

Shin-sen-gumi doesn’t really place second, I would call it more of a tie. They’re simply too different for a comparative analysis, and both are equally good in their own right. It’s shabu basics done to perfection. There’s nothing I hate more than a weak sauce, but here the ponzu is a harmonious balance of lemon, vinegar and soy. The sauce is just as important as the beef, and is often neglected at places of inferior rank. Oh, did I forget to mention the goma? This is a common occurrence, I only really taste it when I’m waiting for a ponzu refill.  However at Shin-sen-gumi, the sesame sauce is pleasantly rich and creamy in flavor, spiked with buttery peanut and hints of garlic. Weirdly enough, other Shin-sen-gumi locations dish up epic fails so make sure you hit up the right one in Torrance.

3.) Mizu 212

2000 Sawtelle Blvd
Los Angeles, CA 90189
(310) 478-8979

Mizu 212 garners a lot of hate from Yelpers for some strange reason, and based on the reviews alone, I nearly wrote this place off entirely without even trying it out. Luckily, a lot of Yelpers don’t know what the heck they’re talking about. Bottom line, the food is good, there’s hardly ever a wait, and the price is fair. Yes, it could be cheaper. Yes, it could have bigger portions. And yes, if you’ve never had shabu shabu and are offended with the whole “cook your own food / boiled beef” concept, then this probably isn’t the place for you. Without trekking to OC, DTLA or SGV, Mizu 212 is your best bet for shabu on the west side.

4.) Shabu House

127 Japanese Village Plz Mall
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 680-3890

For the price and the quality, Shabu House simply be can’t be beat. $17 a plate is a damn steal, but the problem resides in the tiny cramped space and the perpetual long lines that plague this worthy establishment. The average wait time I’ve been subjected to is roughly 1.5 hours, which is far too long to kept hungry and cranky for the sake of saving a few bucks. For those who don’t mind braving the crowds, Shabu House does not disappoint but expect to be rushed through the meal if you dilly dally. This place is all about turnaround.

5.) Kushi Shabu

123 Astronaut E S Onizuka #305
Los Angeles, CA 90012
(213) 621-0210

Although I’m not a particular fan of the meat, I find myself dining here more often than I’d like. I prefer to savor the delicacy and marbling of the beef, rather than compulsively rack up empty plates in my own personal eating contest. All you can eat always seems like some sort of grade school dare, it’s really hard to exhibit self-restraint and moderation despite my better judgement. Don’t get me wrong, I love AYCE. But sometimes it’s best to avoid it altogether.  $26  for unlimited (somewhat decent) beef is dirt cheap, and as the only AYCE shabu joint in LA, it deserves at very least an honorable mention on this list.

Protip: A 20% discount is offered Tuesdays and Wednesdays, given diners show up before 7pm. It pays to upgrade to premium meat option, the taste difference will be worth it.

Swish swish, and enjoy!

No, these aren’t my boobs. Mine are not factory installed cuz I got it from my mama. w00t!
If yours are, hey! I don’t judge. I’m actually kinda jealous because your boobs defy gravity. * sigh *

No kidding. Here’s the article if you don’t want to hit the link.

The German research is believed to be published in the New England Journal of Medicine.

So….in other words….when I catch Clyde staring at my boobs when I’m in the kitchen cooking because the shirt I wear at home are from Victoria’s Secret (read: super low cut and clingy but SO F*CKING COMFORTABLE), I’m actually doing something good for him? And all he has to do is stare? Wow, that’s pretty damn easy. Good thing I dropped that $500 at Victoria’s Secret a little while back. Those pretty pieces really shove the girls up and out. Little did I know I’d be buying something to help keep him healthy too.

Winner winner chicken dinner!

Nurse Bonnie to the rescue. Haa haa haa!! Far be it from me to get in the way of my man’s continued good health. Good thing he remembers to look at me when he’s talking to me….right before his eyeballs go southbound once more.

That’s okay. Permission granted, honey. It’s good for you.

Ladies, next time you catch some guy checking out your goodies at the club, don’t be too mad. Take a deep breath and tell yourself you’ve done your good deed for the day. You helped him get in better health.

Of course, if he’s a total perv, weirdo or otherwise shady in any way, I say you give him something else to look at….like fist-to-face. Just kidding. I don’t condone violence….just well deserved ass kicking.

I’ve been living in Ktown for a short while and I’ve come to the following conclusions – my neighbors are beyond strange.

Stomp To My Beat

Remember this song? You know….from Dance Dance Retardation Revolution? I really like that song. When I was training for the bikini competiton, I used to blast this song when I was stomping and running on the treadmill/elliptical machines like a rabid hamster.

I’m beginning to think that’s what my neighbors upstairs are doing. I’ve decided to call them Elephant Herd.

They are the sole reason I will now and forever think twice about living anywhere except the top floor. I will reconsider this if I am able to determine the walls are thick enough to muffle any and all sounds.

I can’t figure out what they’re doing up there at all hours of the day. I hear strange thumpings and bumpings and stupendous crashings day and night. I’m beginning to wonder if they :

- wear wooden clogs all day
- love rearranging heavy furniture during normal sleeping hours
- are completely unaware that I can HEAR THEM PERFECTLY when they decide to vacuum at the unholy hour of 2 a.m.
- are moving a dead body around hence the oddly meaty thumps I hear

Thumper Lives Next Door

Little does anyone know that Thumper, Bambi’s little furry bunny friend, hangs out with Woody Woodpecker.

These are the neighbors who live directly next to me. My bedroom wall apparently is right up against where they put their TV.

I know this because I can hear them blasting the set for hours at a time. If I could speak and understand Korean, I could sit there and know exactly what they’re watching because it is that loud. I suppose I should be thankful they don’t stay up all night watching porn. Maybe they are. I dunno. Everything’s in Korean and sometimes I can hear weird grunting. Wow…I wonder if they are watching porn now. Hm….

That would get annoying and embarassing real fast if they were because I’m convinced their TV set is THISCLOSE to my head when I’m sleeping. Ugh…wow, I feel kinda dirty now.

They also like to pound on the walls a lot with hammers and power tools. That’s a fantastic thing to listen to when I’m trying to sleep at night or when I’m trying to sleep in.

So fail.

I’ve Been A Bad Girl

The newest addition to the peanut gallery? A lady across the way who I decided to call DomiNAYtrix.

Hm…I have shoes that look like that. And why is she wearing mint green examination gloves? Why is there a syringe in her hand? Looks like someone’s been REALLY bad cause the naughty monkey’s getting a shot and not of the Grey Goose variety. ….and does no one else think the clear stuff strapping him down looks like IV tubing? I dunno what kind of dominatrix this is (I Googled “dominatrix” for a picture and this was the most interesting one I found in 5 seconds. I’m lazy. ) but it looks more like a Naughty Nurse fantasy gone totally wrong.

Did I mention she lives across the courtyard from me? I’m beginning to think my building’s designed to amplify sound soley for my amusement to drive me nuttier than a squirrel in a peanut butter factory.

The reason for this nickname? I heard her scream “BAD!! YOU’VE BEEN VERY BAD!!!” followed by a crashing sound that shakes my living room wall.

Just kidding. It wasn’t that bad but it was pretty bad. So here’s what I’m thinking :

1. Some kid just got the ass whupping of his LIFE! Whoooaaaa, Nelly. My backside hurt for that person if indeed a buttock kicking was administered.

2. My neighbor’s a dominatrix and it was a spanking/paddling gone awry. …or maybe she just put too much back into it. I dunno.

Oh, Me So Hoooorny!

The cherry on top of this epic sundae are….* drumroll please *….

The pigeons.

That’s right. Mother-effing pigeons.

I think they’re super horny. Why, you ask? Simple. I can hear their mating calls from the ass crack of dawn till I pass out at night.

* Coo * Coo * Come get some hot pigeon looovin * Coo * Coo * You know you want me, baaaaybeee * Coo * Coo *

One of my FB friends helpfully hinted that Spring is in the air which apparently makes for fiery loins in birds. He then suggested I find these birds some pigeon hookers.

Dude, I would except I don’t know where pigeon hookers flock, I wouldn’t know how to approach them (seriously….) And what would they accept as payment? Bread crumbs? Dude, I’ll drown them in it if I have to.

Then again…I don’t want my courtyard to be known as the feathered version of a brothel.

No, thanks. I’ve already got weird neighbors.

* sigh *

The first half of this video kind of reminds me of Tupac’s “I Get Around”. Does no one else think so? I have to say, I like Tupac’s video much better.

Anyway, this post is titled “You can teach an old dog new tricks” because I’m contradicting the popular saying. In this case, the “old dog” is me. Seeing as how I’m female, this does not mean you can start referring to me as a bitch….but sometimes I wonder why people think it’s such an insult. Maybe they haven’t heard the “Sexy Bitch” song yet (I hate that song, btw) because, you know, she’s nothing like your neighborhood whore. This begs the following questions/observations :

1. Your neighborhood has whores? Hey, I ain’t judging. Everyone’s gotta make a living somehow and something about supply and demand. That’s all I’m saying.

2. You appear to be very well acquainted with them if you’re able to define a noticeable distinction between the SexyBitch and the NeighborhoodWhore.

When I was a super cocky 20.something year old, I used to say “You call me a bitch like it was a bad thing”. Jeezus…

What was the point of all this? Oh yeah. So being in a relationship is scary for me. I haven’t been in one in forever. This means the following list held true up until January 17th, 2010 :

- I went wherever I want.

- I did whatever I want for whatever reason I wanted whenever I wanted wherever I wanted and however I wanted.

- I didn’t have to factor anyone’s feelings into anything I decided to do. However, this did not mean I gleefully stomped and crushed people’s feelings like insignificant bugs. Karma’s a beeyotch and I’m generally not mean like that. 0=)

- Everything was about me, 24/7, all day every day. The channel never changed from BonnieVision.

I was single for 4 years. After breaking up with the ex, I was shaky. I hadn’t been single for longer than 2 months since I was a sophomore in high school. Despite going through Significant Other withdrawals, I knew I had to go through a period of being single. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. But you know what’s weird? It got easier and Easier and EASIER! It got to the point where I couldn’t remember why I ever wanted a boyfriend. I loved being single!! It was great!

But now things are different.

There’s this wonderful man who’s brave enough to be my man. I’ve named him Clyde to protect his identity. He’s secretly Superman but he doesn’t like changing in public telephone booths. …at least, I don’t think he does. I’ve never actually asked. I suspect this might be because there aren’t many left so he hasn’t really had a chance to practice.

He even has Kryptonite! Unfortunately for him, he has revealed most of them to me and whaddya know…I embody a lot of them. It’s great abusing his known weaknesses. It’s freaking awesome, actually. …I think he let these little nuggets of blackmail gold slip “accidentally” because I’m pretty sure he knows I would use all weapons of mass destruction on him every chance I got.

He’s smart. Winner winner chicken dinner no matter which way you cut it.

So back to the original point. Relationships aren’t easy and that’s especially true for me. The longest one I’ve ever had was almost 4 years but that was in high school. Post high school, I think the longest one was 18 months. I spent the last 6 months of my past relationships trying everything under the sun to make things work. This way, I knew I could walk away in peace knowing I had done everything remotely humanly possible to salvage whatever was left.

I drew the line at therapy and counseling because we weren’t married. All discussion of getting married were immediately squashed because even my relationship challenged ass recognized that as a Hail Mary ploy to lock me down. Hell no, I won’t go!!!

I’m not one for casual encounters, casual sex, casual relationships…casual anything unless you’re talking about clothing. I’m all about being casual and comfortable up until I get ready for a night out. Then I go by a different set of codes, rules and regulations. It’s so much fun.

Anyway, so I’m in a relationship now that I never saw coming. If you had told me back when I was on my killer Epic Month Long Vacation / Birthday Debauchery (that was last November) that I would have a new apartment AND a new man in my life, I would’ve seriously laughed in your face, apologized for spewing perfectly fine scotch all over you and then I would’ve told you to stop smoking whatever it is you’re inhaling because it’s making you delusional.

So here’s the thing. I know where my shortcomings are. GI Joe said “Knowing is half the battle” and I’ve decided that the other half is doing something about it. And that’s what I’m gonna do.

The first half of this video kind of reminds me of Tupac’s “I Get Around”. Does no one else think so? I have to say, I like Tupac’s video much better.

Anyway, this post is titled “You can teach an old dog new tricks” because I’m contradicting the popular saying. In this case, the “old dog” is me. Seeing as how I’m female, this does not mean you can start referring to me as a bitch….but sometimes I wonder why people think it’s such an insult. Maybe they haven’t heard the “Sexy Bitch” song yet (I hate that song, btw) because, you know, she’s nothing like your neighborhood whore. This begs the following questions/observations :

1. Your neighborhood has whores? Hey, I ain’t judging. Everyone’s gotta make a living somehow and something about supply and demand. That’s all I’m saying.

2. You appear to be very well acquainted with them if you’re able to define a noticeable distinction between the SexyBitch and the NeighborhoodWhore.

When I was a super cocky 20.something year old, I used to say “You call me a bitch like it was a bad thing”. Jeezus…

What was the point of all this? Oh yeah. So being in a relationship is scary for me. I haven’t been in one in forever. This means the following list held true up until January 17th, 2010 :

- I went wherever I want.

- I did whatever I want for whatever reason I wanted whenever I wanted wherever I wanted and however I wanted.

- I didn’t have to factor anyone’s feelings into anything I decided to do. However, this did not mean I gleefully stomped and crushed people’s feelings like insignificant bugs. Karma’s a beeyotch and I’m generally not mean like that. 0=)

- Everything was about me, 24/7, all day every day. The channel never changed from BonnieVision.

I was single for 4 years. After breaking up with the ex, I was shaky. I hadn’t been single for longer than 2 months since I was a sophomore in high school. Despite going through Significant Other withdrawals, I knew I had to go through a period of being single. It was hard at first, I won’t lie. But you know what’s weird? It got easier and Easier and EASIER! It got to the point where I couldn’t remember why I ever wanted a boyfriend. I loved being single!! It was great!

But now things are different.

There’s this wonderful man who’s brave enough to be my man. I’ve named him Clyde to protect his identity. He’s secretly Superman but he doesn’t like changing in public telephone booths. …at least, I don’t think he does. I’ve never actually asked. I suspect this might be because there aren’t many left so he hasn’t really had a chance to practice.

He even has Kryptonite! Unfortunately for him, he has revealed most of them to me and whaddya know…I embody a lot of them. It’s great abusing his known weaknesses. It’s freaking awesome, actually. …I think he let these little nuggets of blackmail gold slip “accidentally” because I’m pretty sure he knows I would use all weapons of mass destruction on him every chance I got.

He’s smart. Winner winner chicken dinner no matter which way you cut it.

So back to the original point. Relationships aren’t easy and that’s especially true for me. The longest one I’ve ever had was almost 4 years but that was in high school. Post high school, I think the longest one was 18 months. I spent the last 6 months of my past relationships trying everything under the sun to make things work. This way, I knew I could walk away in peace knowing I had done everything remotely humanly possible to salvage whatever was left.

I drew the line at therapy and counseling because we weren’t married. All discussion of getting married were immediately squashed because even my relationship challenged ass recognized that as a Hail Mary ploy to lock me down. Hell no, I won’t go!!!

I’m not one for casual encounters, casual sex, casual relationships…casual anything unless you’re talking about clothing. I’m all about being casual and comfortable up until I get ready for a night out. Then I go by a different set of codes, rules and regulations. It’s so much fun.

Anyway, so I’m in a relationship now that I never saw coming. If you had told me back when I was on my killer Epic Month Long Vacation / Birthday Debauchery (that was last November) that I would have a new apartment AND a new man in my life, I would’ve seriously laughed in your face, apologized for spewing perfectly fine scotch all over you and then I would’ve told you to stop smoking whatever it is you’re inhaling because it’s making you delusional.

So here’s the thing. I know where my shortcomings are. GI Joe said “Knowing is half the battle” and I’ve decided that the other half is doing something about it. And that’s what I’m gonna do.

I’m a Scorpio. Actually, my moon and my sun signs are both Scorpio. That’s right. It’s so nice, I had to have it twice.

The following excerpts are from this site.

Scorpios are fiercely independent. They are able to accomplish anything they put their mind to and they won’t give up. They are perfectly suited to being on their own. They are not social butterflies like some other zodiac signs and some actually prefer to live on their own. That way there is never any issue of who controls what at home, they like to be in control.

I’m a control freak. I like things done MY WAY because that’s the way I like it. I dislike anything I can’t dominate or control to my specifications. This is why I hate rollercoasters. I simply cannot understand for the life of me why anyone in their right or left mind would willingly strap themselves down into what I see as a DeathMobile and let it hurtle them at speeds humans were not meant to be flung laughing/screaming/throwing up all the way…and then want to do it again. I think they’re crazy.

Yes. That’s right. I dislike rollercoasters because I can’t control it. So what? Bite me.

But here’s what I’ve had to learn. I’ve had to learn this thing called “compromise” and “let someone else figure it out”. It’s so weird not having to plot and plan everything. It’s actually really nice. I mention something to Clyde (“Honey, I’d really like to go see Kollaboration 10! I think it’d be fun!!”) and then forget all about it because I’m happily babbling about something else. Next thing I know, he’s telling me he got us VIP tickets.

I wake up hungry and say “Baby, can we go get breakfast?” and then SHAZAAAM!!! He finds for me my newest favorite breakfast cafe.

Wow.

As for the whole “not being a social butterfly” thing? Yup. When my friends and I are out, I’m the one sitting by the bar sipping my scotch and amusing myself by people watching. Why? Because I simply don’t want to talk to you. It’s not that I’m antisocial (well….I’m not anymore. I’ve actually gotten a lot better). It’s more like I’m out to enjoy time with my friends, not make new ones. There’s a time and place for everything.

Scorpio is the astrology sign of extremes and intensity. Scorpios are very deep, intense people, there is always more then meets the eye.

I’m a freaking Transformer, baybee.

Scorpio’s are very weary of the games that other people try to play and they are very aware of it.

I don’t get stupid games. I don’t know the rules and I’m not interested in learning them. Speak your mind or get out. Go hard or go home. “Do or do not. There is no try.”

God, I love Yoda for that line.

Scorpios tend to dominate and control anyone that lets them, or anyone that they find weak. The person that a Scorpio respects and holds close to them is treated with amazing kindness, loyalty and generosity.

In other words, the meek need not apply. I will ride you into the ground all the while screaming “GIDDYUP, HORSEY!!!” but take comfort in the fact that I do this out of love and I’d only be doing that to you.

On the outside, a Scorpio has great secretiveness and mystery. This magnetically draws people to them. They are known to be controlling and too ambitious but only because they need control for this makes them feel safe.

…yeah, working on this. This is exactly what I’m talking about! I hate feeling vulnerable. That is some scary stuff, man! It freaks me out knowing that I have given someone access to possibly hurt me….and I happily did it!

This Level One freakout brings out some not-so-happy sides of me.

If you  haven’t been to Les Deux on a Saturday night, then you’ve been missing out!  Not only is this one of the most happening events in Hollywood, but now GO Pro is offering a special BIRTHDAY PACKAGE for all of you celebrating the big night.   Here’s what you get:

• Personalized birthday flier to send out to your guests
• FREE guestlist for guys and girls till 10:30pm
• FREE champagne and sparklers with VIP table purchase
• Birthday shoutouts from our MC
• A great night out with friends!

Email Justin@GOProductionsLA.com for more info.

My favorite song has always been “Welcome To The Jungle” by Guns N Roses. No song can ever top that for me. In case you were stuck under some Godforsaken rock, allow me to share with you the awesomeness that is GNR.

But tonight…tonight, I’ve found my other favorite song to assault other people’s eardrums with. That’s right. It’s “Black Velvet” by Alannah Myles.

I’ve no idea why I picked this song. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten bored with the usual ones I pick. Maybe it’s because it was one of those nights out with MissQT where we just hit the closest karaoke joint and start putting in random numbers. Maybe all the stars and planets aligned themselves to my Venus. I dunno.

Whatever the case, I found my second favorite song to sing. It is, by far, one of the f*cking sexiest songs I’ve ever grooved to when I’ve got the mic in a kung fu death grip. It’s freaking awesome. MissQT thought so too.

This song is so hot, I thought I needed a freaking ice bath. Listen to the lyrics. Slow southern style, she mentions molasses, something about bringing me to my knees and a smile that apparently brings about a burn that hurts so good. Good God…..and that’s not even getting into the bow-chika-bow-wow feel of this beat.

Yup. It’s fantastic. Like it, love it, pwn it. I know I did.

I suddenly have an irresistible urge to wear chaps, come-hither red lipstick and a head full of wild curls. Good thing I’ve already got the leather jacket.