How exciting!

However, this sucks in terms of costume hunting because girls essentially have 2 choices;

1.) Hooker with props (vampire fangs, animal ears, fairy wings, etc)

2.) Hooker in a uniform (nurse, flight attendant, girl scout)

I always have a hard time finding an outfit that doesn’t make me look like a total nerd, which is difficult to do with all the slutty saboteurs running around half dressed. (Bitches, I swear.) One time I was a ninja, which would’ve been really cool if the stifling face mask had permitted oxygen (and shots) to flow through the fabric of steel. And since it was acquired in the little boy’s dept, it was giving me a perpetual wedgie all night. That wasn’t so fun.

This year it’s time for redemption, I want a costume that is super awesome although I’m conflicted. What I really want to be is Jubilee from Xmen:

But I still haven’t come to terms with her awful color palette (after all, I’m still trying to look cute). And since I really don’t have that big of a problem with social conformity, I’ll probably just end up as a skank pirate.

See you folks at Scream 5!

It’s coming…..Saturday, October 31, 2009.  The BIGGEST Asian American Halloween Party in the NATION! Don’t miss the record-setting event of the year.  SCREAM is back! This is THE MEGA HALLOWEEN EVENT for 2009.   Join 3000+ party revelers as we transform the LA’s biggest nightclub into The Devil’s Carnival.  This massive playground will feature $5000 cash drop! Wicked lingerie fashion show at the stroke of midnight courtesy of AMIClubWear! 4 dance club sections featuring state of the art sound system spinning the latest Pop, Rock, Hip-Hop, Electro-Dance, House, Top 40’s and more. This event is expected to sell out! Costumes are mandatory!

Presale tickets available NOW.  Contact your local GO Pro Promoter for more info.

While discussing with my buddy the debatable specifications of how long is too long without sex in a relationship, he interrupted the convo with this:

4 Awkward Moments in Facebook “Likes”

I couldn’t help but share! WTF MOM!

Is it wrong that I totally want one of these?

I was at Costco today killing time while getting a busted tire / wheel replaced after hitting a curb (yes the stereotypes are true) and discovered a whole shelf of them displayed enticingly near the entrance. The amazing blanket moo moos are now available in stores! Now this is really exciting stuff.

Just imagine the unstoppable hot sexy force you’re going to be in one of these babies. And apparently someone else was thinking the same thing I was because (really who wouldn’t… What about this doesn’t scream Irresistible Sex Kitten):

The Snuggie Sutra

This site is incentive enough for me to run out and buy one forthwith. Forget handcuffs, it’s all about a wearable blanket to spice things up a little. And if its good enough for NY Fashion Week, then it’s good enough for me!

This is a super cool gadget and everyone needs one in their glove box:

A few weeks ago, I had some friends over for a themed night of “clean up the half bottles of junk alcohol (crap like American Honey whiskey and peach schnapps) so we can restock with newer / better stuff” . After a fairly impressive performance, the evening was drawing to an end with bottles of water being passed around along with…a breathalyzer!

I tried my luck and blew a whooping .24, which totally threw me off because the legal limit is .08 and I was SOBER. And not even the half-slurring, wobbly walking “yeah, I’m ok to drive” sober. Like the, “you people need to get the heck out of my house because I’m tired and painfully aware of how much cleaning needs to be done” sober. I mean, sure I had a few drinks but we were playing Trivial Pursuit for Christ’s sake, it just wasn’t that kind of crazy night.  I definitely thought I was in driving shape, which is pretty scary when you think about it.

Seems like back in the day, the only people I knew with DUIs were either much older or Korean. It’s now become pathetically normal for our peers to break the “Man, I got a DUI last night” news. Think back, it’s pretty likely that someone you’ve dated (or are currently dating) has one, no? (God, I hope so or else that means my friends are LOSERS).

Drinking and driving is, in a way, like having unprotected sex. You know it’s wrong but let’s face it, you’re stupid and you do it anyway. A couple times in, nothing seriously bad happens (with the exception of a case of mild itching and foul odor), you start to get more careless, everything is relatively fine and dandy until ONE DAY you end up knocking up some girl you don’t know whether you want to marry or fling down a flight of stairs.

Life is full of tough choices. So make it easier on yourself and always have a DD!

*Note: The breathalizer is a really great, useful tool to keep around and can be bought for around $100 (depending on the model) at most major retailers and online. Cheaper alternatives are also available, but are you really going to nickel and dime your public safety?? Your call, mister!

If you happen to be going on a trip this Labor Day weekend via LAX and intend to leave your car at the airport, here’s a (fast expiring) 25% off coupon at the Parking Spot that can save you a few dollars.

This totally means I can afford a few extra sourdough bread bowls of clam chowder at the Boudin Bakery!

(Full URL just in case the link is buggy: http://www.theparkingspot.com/Images/PDF/SUMMER09-HOME25.pdf)

Fine print: The offer is valid through Sept. 9th, 2009 only and the full 25% requires a Saturday night stay, otherwise it’s only 15%.

You’re welcome!

Last week, I was starting to feel the familiar violent stab of ulcer pain, indicating that one of the following must go:

1.) Coffee

2.) Cigarettes

3.) Sriracha

4.) Alcohol

You can see I’ve ordered them by level of importance.

Now, coffee is a critical staple not to be considered for elimination. I need to get healthy, not fired. Not only am I a complete zombie without it (and not even the fun Left 4 Dead kind with spry reflexes and killer ambition), I am quite literally a useless unproductive slob without it.

Plus coffee only does this

And not this:

I decided to be kind and upload one of the prettier photos I found. That’s right. THIS is the pretty one.

Smoking is one of those terrible things you wonder how the heck you even got started on in the first place. Kind of like watching bad VH1 reality shows. You would never miss it if you didn’t get hooked, but now that you are, it’s going to be a rough, bumpy road back to the likes of PBS and BBC.

It must be one of those “I’m so rebellious and badass. I don’t care about anything…NOT EVEN MY HEALTH! *puff puff*” complexes.

Being a smoker racks up obscene costs from frequent car washes and dry cleaning bills. The little ash particles you flick out your window just flutters right back in and gets everywhere. It’s like the car interior houses a mini Vesuvius that needs to blow it’s load once a week. (Get your mind out of the gutter.) I go through a bottle of Quelques Fleur perfume every 2 months or so trying to compulsively cover the stench of stale smoke on my hair and clothes. Febreze Vanilla Lavender Air Effects permanently occupies a cup holder slot in the car. And how can I forget my perpetual teeth sensitivity inherited after the Zoom whitening procedure (every hot / cold, food / beverage is an annoying reminder!) and I haven’t even gotten started on the adverse health effects like CANCER and IMMINENT DEATH.

The upkeep is freaking exhausting.

But despite all of this and having quit cold turkey, I am now a raging maniac and WOULD KILL FOR A CIGARETTE. It sucks that I’ll probably carry this feeling for the rest of my very long, very smokeless life.  To make things worse, discipline isn’t exactly one of my strong suits  (which is precisely why I’ve been a smoker all these years with a fat ass and a drinking and gambling problem. Just kidding. I mean, I only really gamble in Vegas.)

I should’ve just gotten the patch.

PS. Seriously though people, don’t smoke. It’s a terrible, costly habit that gives absolutely zero gratification and will (may include but is not limited to) make you :

get nasty and wrinkly, need to have gum AT ALL TIMES, have a dingy smile, smell like a crappy Vegas casino, look like a trashy AZN, develop tumors and die.