I found this on my windshield:

I didn’t even notice it until I was almost out of the parking lot.
Now, I know what you’re thinking, it’s just a grasshopper. But that’s where you’re wrong.
See, the picture doesn’t do it justice because let me tell you, the sucker was HUGE.  Like 6 inches in length (I know because I keep a ruler in the car and measured it), and it was kind of just angrily staring me down. This photo practically represents ACTUAL SIZE, really as if my camera phone had a …

When did “fob” become a racial epithet?! Or has it always been, and I just never got the memo?
Although I’m not nearly deluded enough to regard “fob” as harmless, I do only categorize it as a Level 2 insult. Here’s the breakdown:
Level 1: easily blocked attack; ie. stupid, dumb, idiot
Level 2: visible vulnerability blow; ie. fat, ugly, *insert bad stereotype here*
Level 3: potty mouth melee punch; ie. asshole, fucker, bitch
Level 4: combo chain for double damage;ie. motherfucking piece of shit, stupid worthless dumbfuck , skanky hooker bitch
Level 5: armor piercing …

Belonging to the well-oiled Yelp machine means one of two things:
1.) Users provide (voluntarily, how generous of us!) useful anecdotal bits on local businesses and restaurants packaged in an entertaining and witty snippet. This is purely in the theoretical sense, often times people (like me) fail at the task miserably.
2.) In return for their charity work, elite members receive invites to supremely awesome mixers that boast a variety of complimentary goodies (usually snacks and booze) at different venues. Sort of “thank you” for being such fat asses and then …