Hey there, LoveBirds!!

Finally!!! We can talk about the fun stuff!! Anyone watch the show “Say Yes To The Dress”? I totally did and OBSESSED about Pnina dresses. Sadly, I couldn’t afford to go to NYC and invade their store nor could I afford a Pnina….but I still got to say “yes” to my designer dress.

Here’s how you do it.

You hit the sample sale racks. Yup. Unless you’re like me and TELLS EVERYONE that your wedding dress is off the sample sale rack, NO ONE IS GOING TO KNOW.

Yes, girl. That’s because these dresses look just like the full price ones. They might’ve been a display or whatever. Who cares!! It’s the same designer design for pennies on the dollar!!

That’s my dress. It’s a James Clifford. I think it retails anywhere from 2500 and up. Guess how much I got it for? $950 off the sample sale rack at MaryLinn’s Couture Bridal in Pasadena, California. FYI, don’t believe all the negative comments.

My sales person was Dawn. I loved her so much, I told my girlfriend to go there to buy her dress from Dawn and she loved her too. She also followed my advice and bought her dream dress OFF THE SAMPLE SALE RACK!

Not only did I have my very own say “yes” to the dress moment, I got it for a great deal. Most dresses require alterations and if you get a sample sale, they will replace the beads that fell off, fix the stitches, etc so that it looks like a dress you ordered from the designer.

I paid for them to alter my dress AND to build a corset into the back of my dress. After all was said and done, I spent less than $1500 on a designer dress. Not bad right?

Here’s the thing about your wedding dress.

Yes, it’s your most special day. I get it. You want to look AWESOME and wedding photos are forever. I totally understand.

But here’s what I don’t get. Unless you can seriously afford it, a Pnina dress can go for TENS of THOUSANDS of dollars. Do you know what that is? It’s a down payment for house. There is no way in Hell I am going to plunk down the kind of money I could use for a home I’M GOING TO LIVE IN FOR YEARS on a dress I’m going to be wearing for less than 24 hours.

I just can’t do it. If you can, you go with your bad self!! I am very happy for you!! I wasn’t able to do it so I did the next best thing.

In the end, I ended up with a gorgeous dress that I got to customize to my liking for a fraction of the cost. I think I win.

Wedding Veil

Okay, no one told me when I was picking out a dress that the freaking veil could cost $150 and up!!!

What the heck?! Isn’t it just some tulle and stuff?! Someone explain to me why the hell this costs so much. After I was done freaking out and seriously considering NOT having a veil, my girlfriend told me about The Wedding Veil Lady.

My CUSTOM MADE, flutter, butt grazing, Swarovski crystal blinged, 4mm pearl strewn veil cost me…..* drum roll please *….. a whopping $60. Yup.

Did I mention this is a custom made veil? She ships all over the world so don’t worry about it. Call her and talk to her. She is the sweetest lady and does amazing work. I loved my veil so much. I think I cried a little because I could not believe how much money this lady saved me and that I got to have a veil after all.

Up next – Wedding Planner!

Hey Lovebirds!

Still hanging in there? Great!

So now that you’ve got the Big Three taken care of, you should figure out what you’re going to serve at the wedding. This includes food and beverages during the cocktail hour and dinner.

Soda, water, coffee and tea are usually served during dinner and is included in the price of your dinners. Of course, do not assume and make sure you double check with your caterer.

I’m going to tackle dinner, hosted bar and h’or doeuvres, in that order.

Dinner – Plated

Most standard fare consists of bread, an appetizer, your protein, a starch and two veggies. This is for plated dinners.

The bulk of the cost per plate is your choice of protein. The cheapest proteins are chicken and salmon. The most expensive is beef.

We could not afford beef so we could only offer chicken and salmon. Here’s the thing. Your guests won’t care AS LONG AS THE FOOD IS GOOD!! If your food sucks, it doesn’t matter if you’re serving beef….because it’s beef that isn’t tasty.

We served chicken and salmon and our guests LOVED it. Clyde’s mom is a Korean caterer and she knows her food. She loved it. So did my mom. I consider that a success right there because Asian moms get pretty crazy when it comes to food.

The point I’m making is that if all you can afford is chicken and salmon, that’s totally fine! I did not have a single person come up to me and tell me “I can’t believe you didn’t offer beef. The nerve!” Not everyone eats beef. It’s nice to be able to offer it if your budget allows for it. If not, don’t sweat it.

Having said that, make sure the food is good.

This is what our chicken dinner looked like. It tasted absolutely DIVINE, our friends are still telling me about it whenever the topic of our wedding comes up and the cut of chicken was very generous. No one felt hungry after.

Because we opted to serve chicken or salmon, we freed up our budget to upgrade on other things. I’ll get into that in a bit.

Dinner – Buffet

There is a difference in plated dinner versus buffet dinners. For some venues, plated dinners are more cost effective because the caterer knows exactly how much food is going on to each plate. That means they can control the cost.

If you’re having a buffet dinner, some venues will charge you more for that because they cannot control the portions each guest is putting on their plate and how many times they go back for more.

This was true for my venue, the awesome Miramonte Resort and Spa.

The venue you picked might be different so call them and ask them.

Hosted Bar

Do not worry if you don’t have enough money to cover a fully hosted bar. That costs CRAAAAZY cash. We didn’t have the money to host a fully stocked cocktail hour but we didn’t like the idea of NOT having anything for our guests. We decided to host beer and wine but with a twist.

Here’s the thing about a hosted bar. Not everyone drinks but you’re PAYING for everyone IN CASE they do drink. That didn’t make sense to me. What DID make sense to me was to have a set amount prepaid for the bar and whatever people drink in terms of beer and wine was deducted one drink at a time against our prepaid amount.

We had $500 included in our minimum food-and-drink agreement and we paid an additional $500 cash. That more than took care of our cocktail hour for all of our guests.

Our guests got to enjoy a drink (or 5) if they wanted a drink (or 5) and we didn’t break the bank. Winner winner CHICKEN DINNER!!

H’or Deouvres, Appetizers, Vendor Meals and Kids Meals

Kids meals and Vendor meals do not cost the same as a plated adult dinner. Vendor meals are usually chef’s choice. I think our vendors were served chicken which was great because they got to enjoy the same awesome dinner our guests were eating.

Kids meals will differ from place to place. Our choices were chicken fingers…and…I think spagetti. I forgot. We went with the chicken fingers and they were HUGE!!! They were really good too. Yes, I took a bite out of my flower girl’s dinner but only because she let me. ^_^

Because we went with a less expensive protein, we were able to cover our 10 vendor meals, 6 kids meals, have one passed h’or deouvre during cocktail hour (it was seared ahi with caviar on toast. DEEE-licious), we got to serve a huge crab cake for the appetizer BEFORE the salad course and we were able to host $1000 beer and wine for only an additional $500.

A photo of some of the ones we tasted. We went with the one on the left.

Parting Thoughts

It’s up to you how you want to set your menu. Just know that this is where you will be spending the bulk of your budget. Every bride wants to offer the most awesome meal they can to their guests. I totally get it because that’s what I wanted to do too.

My budget didn’t allow for that and that’s okay! You do what you can with what you have and sometimes that means you have something even better than you could’ve hoped for. We were able to have a passed h’or doeuvre during cocktail hour in addition to serving a jumbo crab cake with our dinner. It totally worked out. You just have to get creative!

If you don’t have money for food during cocktail hour, don’t sweat it. I’ve been weddings where there wasn’t food served until dinner. I didn’t even notice it until it came time to plan our wedding.

Up next – Wedding Dress!!!

So now that you’ve got your budget and a date, up next is the Location!!! This kind of goes hand in hand with your caterer since most venues have a specific caterer they use.

When shopping for real estate, the old adage is “location, Location, LOCATION”! The same is true for wedding ceremony and reception locations.

There is no easy way to do this. Making a budget, coming up with a date and finding a location are the THREE HARDEST PARTS, in my opinion, in wedding planning. These three components take a lot of time and work. There’s no way around it. That’s why I think you should work on getting these three things figured out in the beginning.

Ceremony locations will differ depending on your religion. We had our ceremony on the resort where we were hosting our reception. That made it logistically easier for our guests. We were able to do that because our ceremony was very non-religious.

If you decide to have your ceremony and reception area at separate locations, make sure you give your guests enough time to get from place to place.

Here’s some thing to think about :

Destination Wedding

This is where we got married! Awesome 4 Diamond resort.
Miramonte Resort and Spa
This place was seriously heaven. Our guests LOVED it and they’re super awesome to work with.

This is what we did…sort of. Indian Wells is a little farther away from Palm Springs. That’s about a 2.5 hour drive from Los Angeles. It’s far enough away that it feels you’re getting away from the city without having to jump on a plane.

For a true destination wedding (Europe, Asia, Hawaii, etc), it might be more cost efficient because your guest list naturally filters itself. While it might cost more upfront because you’re having your wedding so far away, your guest list naturally shrinks itself down to the people who either really want to go or who can really take the time / money to go.

Staying Local

If you’re on a budget, see if your church will let you use their rec space. Check out convention halls too. Catering might be more affordable.

You know what else is a lot of fun? Backyard receptions!! BBQ, giant pitchers of margaritas, DJs and a dance floor….yup, those are tons of fun and super affordable too.

Hotels are a pretty good choice for receptions because they have the space to host large parties. An added plus is not having to worry about your guests driving home drunk when they can enjoy a room on site at a group rate discount.

Also, look into restaurants and banquet halls if your guest list is manageable, like less than 150 total. Our guest list was over 220 and most couldn’t accomodate that.

Negotiate

Here’s what I did when I went scouting for locations. When you tell the events coordinator / wedding coordinator that you’re there for a wedding, they usually hand you this pretty folder full of pretty pictures, facts, figures and menus.

Those are good to look at but I’m not interested in that.

The only question I asked them after we toured the grounds and I politely listened to their sales pitch was “What is your food and beverage minimum?”

That’s all I wanted to know because that’s all that really matters. This figure tells you EXACTLY what the bare minimum you’ll have to spend in order to book that space at that venue for that day.

The pretty menus they give you is what they hope you’ll get because it’s usually more than what the food and beverage minimum is. What I did was figure out what was the bottom dollar amount they needed me to spend and if I could afford that in my budget.

The answer was usually “no, I can’t afford that”. I would tell them what my budget was ($18,000) and ask them what my options are. Most of the coordinators I met with were very professional and very understanding (unless you’re talking about this crappy place).

Most tried to work with my small budget and that’s how I learned about the Sunday/Friday and Saturday morning options.

The only advice good advice I can give you about finding a good location is to be flexible if you’re on a budget and be willing to work with the venue. Be honest with your budget and your expected guest head count.

Also, negotiate. I negotiated a lot of my food costs down so that every dollar went further. The secret to doing this? Just ask! Here’s what I said – “Can you give me a better deal?”

That’s it. You’ll never know unless you ask.

Up next – Food!

Now that you’ve done your budget, on to figuring out the all important date!

First thing to be aware of – the Wedding Season. This typically runs through the summer months and part of the Fall months. You’re looking at June – October. Since this is wedding season, prices for services and venues tend to go for a premium. If you are able to pay for this, great! You don’t have to worry about it.

If you’re like me and Clyde, we did sweat it. Our initial budget was $18,000 (ultimately, it came out to $27,000) and we made every penny count, literally. We decided on a date (I think it was October 23, 2011) as our initial date for our wedding. We got engaged in November 2010. That gave us 10 months to save. Clyde, my awesome husband, wanted to get married ASAP and hoped for a June wedding. I was like “Uh….I love you too and want to get married just as quick but we can’t afford it”. * sigh * So hard to say no to my man.

Whatever your date of marriage was, make sure you give yourselves enough time to save. What I DID NOT DO was figure out how much an average wedding cost. Luckily for you guys, I posted the United States average figure on the last post.

The reason why you want to figure out your date first is so that you can call potential venues to ask if they’re available on that day and what it would cost.

Any day is a good day as long as we’re together.
^_____^

Here are the tips I would like to give you when looking for a venue. Keep in mind, this is for Los Angeles but the theory is good for anywhere :

Be Flexible

“Off” season months are the most budget friendly for engaged couples. That’s because most people want the summer / early fall months and will pay the premium. We did not want to which worked out for us because we scored a GREAT DEAL on our venue.

I went into every meeting at every venue saying the October date was our date of choice but I made it clear that we were flexible with our date if the venue was able to give us a better deal on another date.

Our final venue was able to do that for us (they had a special for 50% OFF their food and beverage minimum if we got married in December!!!!) so we obviously jumped on that and moved our wedding back.

Saturday Afternoon

If you have your heart set on having your ceremony and reception on Saturday but can’t afford a Saturday evening reception, consider Saturday afternoon. Most venues will be willing to give you a better deal for a reception during this time because then they will book business for BOTH the afternoon AND the evening.

The added bonus about having your reception so early on a Saturday? You can entertain the guests your parents’ age in the afternoon, everyone gets to take a nap or have some downtime and then you guys can all party later on Saturday night!

Saturday Night

Saturday night receptions are the costliest. This is because everyone wants this day. Your out-of-town guests can come and enjoy the wedding while being able to make it to work without being hungover on Monday.

The only advice I can give to save money on Saturday evening receptions is to see if the venues will offer you a better rate if you have your wedding during an off season month.

That’s what we did. Our Saturday ceremony + evening reception was during the month of December. That’s usually not a popular month because it’s a holiday month but you never know about the venue you like unless you ask, right?

Friday and Sunday

These days are the most affordable because they’re awkward in the sense that planning for travel can get a little….sticky.

If you get married on a Friday afternoon, you’re basically asking your friends and family to call off sick from work to attend the ceremony. Friday night reception is do-able for the guests who live in town. For those out of town, it might interfere with their work schedule.

Sunday afternoon wedding + reception is quite affordable and doable. You have a brunch style reception which works out for most people and it’s reasonable in price. You also give them enough time to hopefully catch a flight out to go home if they’re from out of town and they can make it to work on Monday.

The only catch to a Sunday afternoon reception is for all the people who go to church on Sunday. That was the issue Clyde and I ran into because his family is totally hard-core Christian.

Sunday evening reception is a little tricky too because most evening receptions go on till 10 p.m. That might be hard for your out-of-town guests to catch a flight back home.

Long Weekends

I thought I would be a little sneaky by having our wedding on a Sunday over a long weekend.

Unfortunately, most of the venues I talked to said that they treat a Sunday evening reception the same as a Saturday evening reception if Monday is a nationally recognized holiday.

Again, this is only true of the Los Angeles venues I happened to talk to. You should call the venues you’re interested in to confirm.

Next time, we tackle the location.

Hey, Lovebirds!

Now that you’ve showed off that beautiful ring to anyone and everyone, it’s time to come back to reality. Weddings are expensive. Let me just get out that there from the get-go. You’re going to be forking over a ton of money for ONE DAY’S REVELRY.

It’s up to you how you want to do it. Some couples what the whole shebang. Some couples prefer low key, backyard boogies. I wanted the whole shebang PLUS some Chinese Lion Dancing thrown in for good measure.

image from site dot advantagebridal dot com
This pic, btw, is SO TRUE!!! Omg…

From CostOfWedding, here’s some figures for you to wrap your head around :

On average, US couples spend $25,631 for their wedding. However, the majority of couples spend between $19,223 and $32,039. This does not include cost for a honeymoon. Understanding wedding cost now can help you with your wedding budget later.

On average, couples that live in Los Angeles, CA spend between $22,347 and $37,245 total for Average Wedding Cost. The totals above are based on the average number of guests estimated between 130 and 144. A single guest could add between $196 and $239 to the overall cost of your wedding. You should expect to pay, on average, 50% to 100%+ more when choosing well-experienced professionals, designer labels, popular event locations, unique or custom products and services.

On average, couples that live in Indian Wells, CA spend between $31,574 and $52,624 total for Average Wedding Cost. The totals above are based on the average number of guests estimated between 141 and 155. A single guest could add between $256 and $313 to the overall cost of your wedding. You should expect to pay, on average, 50% to 100%+ more when choosing well-experienced professionals, designer labels, popular event locations, unique or custom products and services.

Don’t worry. We’re going to tackle the honeymoon later. Let’s keep our focus on your wedding budget for now.

The reason I made a point to differentiate Indian Wells, CA from the rest of the US and Los Angeles is because that’s where we got married. Our initial budget was $18,000. We ended up spending about $27,000 for almost 170 people (over 180 once you factor in our vendors). Not bad, right? Quick tip now – whatever your budget is, add another $10,000 because there will ALWAYS be costs you didn’t think about even though you tried your hardest to foresee every single possible cost.

While it’s great to dream big and reach for the stars, you have to know how much it’s going to cost you to get there. I’m not saying “Don’t do it”. I’m also not saying “You can’t do it”. I’m saying ” Plan well on how you’re going to get there”.

That means you have to do something pretty painful – plan your budget. Money is something that most couples find very difficult to talk about. It wasn’t the easiest thing for Clyde and I to talk about but we did it. We bared our financial skeletons for each other to see (credit card bills, department store credit card bills, student loans, car payments, insurance, etc etc etc), disclosed how much we made and then started crunching numbers.

Here’s the thing about talking finances and money with your partner. It’s a lot like having sex for the first time. It’s awkward at first, it’s painful and you don’t know if you’re doing it right. BUT, with enough practice, communication, understanding and love for one another, it gets easier and easier and then you feel better and better about it. Pretty soon, you’ll be unstoppable!!

Clyde and I have bi-annual budget meetings. We started this habit when we got engaged. We made detailed lists of EVERYTHING we spend money on in terms of regularly occurring bills + REASONABLE allowances for the necessities (food and gas) and subtracted that from our monthly paychecks.

That was how much we could save for our wedding. That’s how we came up with our budget. We did NOT factor in extras like tax refunds, working overtime, garage sales, selling stuff on eBay and work bonuses. We decided to under-estimate what we could afford. We figured it was better to lowball and have money extra than to overestimate and be stuck with bills we can’t pay.

What we also did was open a joint checking account. We called it the Wedding Account but agreed that it would be the account from which we would pay all of our bills from after we get married.

The Wedding Account’s purpose was to hold all the money we would AUTOMATICALLY deposit from every paycheck to cover our budget goals. Any extra money we had left over from our individual accounts after our monthly allowance would also go into the Wedding Account. This account would be the one we would use to cut checks to our vendors and use as deposits. This worked out GREAT!

So, in step by step format, here’s what you need to do to come up with your budget :

• Have an OPEN AND HONEST talk with the person you’re marrying about your finances.

• Do NOT judge each other or be hostile. This is not a good start for your marriage.
• Be open minded and accepting.
• Each person takes out a sheet of paper.
• Figure out how much money flows out in terms of bills, what they are and list them.
• Add them all up.
• Figure out how much you need per month for food and gas. Add that to the amount you pay for bills every month.
• It’s important that you both have a little money set aside each month for little treats for yourselves. You’re saving for a major purchase (your wedding), but you’re still human and need little treats every now and then. A mani-pedi is a treat. A weekend get-away to a 5 star resort is not. Know the difference.
• List how much you make per month.
• Subtract the amount you owe every month / your necessities cost from what you make.
• Add your amount with your partner’s amount.
• That’s how much you have to save every month for your wedding.
• Multiply that amount by the months you have before the month you get married. For example, it’s May now. Say you get married next August. You add up the months up to next July. You don’t count next August, the month you’re getting married, because most vendors require payment in full prior to the wedding.
• Open a joint account that has free checking.
• Designate one person to be in charge of the budget.
• Talk to each other about every single thing you’re using that account to purchase PRIOR to purchase. This is what I mean about keeping lines of communication open.
• Get together about once a month to make sure you’re still on target.
• Every penny you have extra from your personal accounts should be deposited into the Wedding Account.

Till next time!